A Certain Blond Redone
by YaoiLover1998
Summary: Deidara and how he came to be in Akatsuki. Will our favorite blonde fall in love? Will his heart break so bad that he himself dies? What will happen and why does Akatsuki get another blond that we all know and love? Find out. Slash, Het, Possible Femslash.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto

**Warning:** Yaoi, meaning Male/Male Love, Possible Het, Possible Yuri, etc. Offensive material, usage of the word Mexican. Please do not be offended.

**A/N:** The story may not be in sequence to the actual events of Naruto, Example being Deidara as the wrong age joining Akatsuki, or him having his hand mouths at the wrong age. Please excuse any of these and roll with it please. I have not seen when Deidara got his hand-mouths or anything. Thank you.

_**It's actually Beta'd yaayyyyy!**_

Redone: A Certain Blond

Deidara smiled as he calmly walked through the village, making his way towards a calm water pond. Once he reached the ponds edge, he calmly sat beside it, legs positioned beside him as wiggled into the half laying position he wanted. He watched the water, feeling a sense of peace settle over him while he watched the ripples forming, the fish swimming, frogs leaping into the beautiful liquid, and the lilies floating about. Soft footsteps were heard behind, sounding closer with every step. From the amount of footsteps and difference in the sounds of their shoes, he deduced that two people where nearing.

Turning his head with a curious look, he saw two people in black robes with clouds decorating them approaching, one noticeably taller than the other. The smaller of the two appeared to be a female. Both wore straw hats and sandals, and what looked to be a ring on their right hand ring finger. Deidara slowly stood up once they stopped, hats covering their faces.

"Deidara, my name is Itachi. We of Akatsuki require your services." A deep melodic voice said, making him startle then wonder which had said it. Seconds after he realized what the faceless voice had said.

"The Akatsuki, UN!? Why should I join when I can be free, un?" He challenged. He staid stoic, staring at the hats where their faces should be. Slowly, the smaller figure's hand went upwards and latched onto the hat, drawing it up, then off. Deidara looked at the soft looking face, Itachi's eyes closed. It gave him an almost peaceful look, causing a thought to flash in his head.

_Hypnotizing_

"Simple, Deidara. The Akatsuki have requested you and your... special techniques. We could use someone of your caliber. Join us and save everyone the time we shall waste should you try and deny us what we wish to acquire." Itachi said, eyes opening looking directly at Deidara. Deidara himself felt something he hadn't felt in a long time, and it took him a moment to even recognize why his heart was racing as fast as it was now.

_Fear_

And for the first time in a long time, he found himself racing through the forest, speeding away from Itachi and his companion. Hopping from tree limb to tree limb, pushing himself as fast as his scrawny but strong legs could, he ran. He didn't have his pouch of special clay on him, seeing how he had wished for a nice, calm, peaceful day of pure relaxation. He had even dressed for just relaxation, wearing his silky kimono with the top open to show off some skin and maybe have a different kind of relaxation as well, involving another person and some friction between the two.

Deidara hopped to the side, avoiding a non lethal kunai throw that would have landed in his leg otherwise. _'Damn, I can't really escape them, being there two and only one of me. I need to get my pouch from my current residence, or somewhere heavily populated and lose them.'_ He thought, eyes wide in panic induced terror. Suddenly, Itachi jumped from a bush approximately five feet away, multiple shuriken in his hands. He launched them, making small flesh wounds appear all over Deidara's body. Deidara ground his teeth from the stinging sensation and caught two, before jumping backwards into a tree and sprinting onwards, fast away from the duo set to get him. He held the two shuriken in his hand, ready to attack.

He gripped them tightly, almost cutting himself in the process. Leaping away still, he heard a noise nearby, before dodging a humongous sword. The man holding the sword raised it again, so quickly as if it weighed nothing. Deidara quickly threw a shuriken at the man and barely made a flesh wound on his left cheek. The sword came back down and Deidara quickly avoided it, before rushing off again. They kept at it, attacking him with different kinds of blows, before he finally reached a large town. He easily blended into the crowd. Dodging into a clothing store, he quickly grabbed some merchant type clothes and made his way into a changing stall. He slipped the clothes on, putting his kimono into a pocket, before walking from the stall. Grabbing a hair band on the way out, he put his hair up.

The woman at the counter yelled at him about him needing to pay for the clothes first. Not bothering to turn around, he walked on and faded into the crowd, losing the woman who had yelled at him to pay; making his way towards the place he was staying at. It took him a while, but Deidara finally found someone willing to help him out. The chubby mexican man, only 5'1" and darkly tanned with a mustache, agreed to let him ride in the back of his wagon- which held a load of hay- to his current hideout. Soon after the sun had set, and the moon had risen to play its mind games on everyone, he felt the cart stop. He listened and heard the man grumbling under his breath, walking to where he had hidden in the hay.

"Hey, you, get up. We're here." Deidara uncovered himself and thanked the man, before walking off. "Hey! Give me my ryo!" The man shouted at him. Deidara rolled his eyes before picking up a sharp, pebble sized rock. He turned back to the man, before flicking the rock like a shuriken. It hit the man in the head and almost immediately the man fell over dead. The horses he had let out a neigh, before calming down.

Deidara turned back and made his way into his temporary home, packing all of his stuff and dressing himself in weapons. Once he had everything, he walked back out and handed the keys to the room over to the front desk lady.

"Thank you, I hope you enjoyed your stay here. Please come again." She said warmly. He gave a nod, sending her one of his charming smiles, before walking away back to where the dead Mexican man lay. He hopped onto the seat the man had previously used and snapped the reigns, making the horses go into a quick trot. He sat back with a smile and headed off towards another town. As he and the horses made their way towards his destination, his eyes started closing and he fell into a light slumber.

They continued on, even as he dozed. By the time he woke up, they had already gone through his destination town and were currently making their way through a different town entirely. Pulling back on the reigns, he lead them into an empty alley and left them there, making his way towards a young brunette. She looked up with a smile.

"Hello, how can I help you?" She said, head tilting curiously.

"Hey, I was wondering if you could tell me what town I'm currently in, un."

"Well, currently you are at Montikimi town, between the main towns Hiromo and Bitsushi." She replied. He gave a nod and flashed her his charming smile.

"Thanks doll face, un." He turned and walked off, going back to the two horses and load of hay he currently owned.

Hopping on, he had them pull out of the alley and calmly make their way through the town, until he found a place where he could let the horses rest. He jumped off and left them on their own, deciding to walk around and take in the sites. He did this for a while, checking out the place and memorizing it, before looking up when he heard the clack of hooves. A skunk-haired man on the back of a horse was making his way through the crowds. Deidara watched the man, and gave a devilish smile when the man looked at him. The man in turn lifted an eyebrow, before stopping his horse near the blonde. Staring each other down, the man spoke up.

"Mmm, hey there good lookin'."

"Hey yourself." Deidara replied, a saucy smirk on his face.

"Wanna have some fun with me? My hotel's not far from here." Deidara nodded happily. The man jerked his cowboy hat clad head, giving him permission to climb aboard. The blonde did so and the man made his way off, making his horse pick up speed to insane amounts.

"So what's your name?" Deidara asked the man as he rode behind him.

"Mi. Yours?" he relied.

"Deidara." The man gave a nod and a slight groan when Deidara ground against him a bit. They rushed on and eventually pulled the horse over at a hotel. They made their way in after tying up the horse, and soon they were in Mi's rented room.

***Warning Slight Lemon/Lime Scene***

Deidara moaned as Mi pushed him roughly against the wall once the door closed behind them. He let out a slight grunt at the shove, before a groan slipped from his throat. Mi's hands were everywhere, lighting his body up in a pleasurable fire. Mi nipped at his bottom lip and shoved his tongue in the cavern, grunting in pleasure from the bitter sweet taste. His mouth moved from Deidara's and slid down to his pale column. There they began doing everything they could, from licking and nipping, to suckling and biting.

Deidara squirmed and moaned while his mind went empty and pleasure filled the empty space. Then he arched forward into those _tantalizing_ licks and nips. He barely even registered that he was likely to get hickeys before going back to his empty-mindedness. The blonde ground against a _very_ muscular thigh causing the owner of said thigh to give a groan and pick him up off the ground, holding him in place against the wall. Deidara though had other plans, and began squirming.

"B-bed, un." He panted out. Mi did just that and laid him on the bed, removing Deidara's shirt and nipping at his chest and moobs (1). Deidara was in a pleasure high and the mouths on his hands decided now was the time to get active from where they were resting on Mi's neck. They opened and licked, causing him to give a startled moan. Deidara's member jumped and a blush stained his face.

***End of Scene***

Deidara groaned and leaned up. Just as he was about to kiss Mi, an explosion went off near the window that he hadn't noticed at the time. Jumping up, his hands automatically reached for the clay pouch at his pocket. They immediately got the clay going, chewing and wetting the dry substance. They were working hard to get the clay done fast, causing the one on the left to chomp down hard enough the it broke a tooth on the top left row. Deidara held his breath and cursed in his mind, knowing that when all was said and done that he couldn't curse as that was seen as showing a weakness if it wasn't cursing the enemy.

Itachi and his partner, who he could clearly see now, entered through the giant hole that they had created.

"Kisame, I thought I said discrete." Itachi stated, no emotion in his voice or on his face.

"That was never one of my strong points." The said shark man replied with a cheeky grin, hand holding the handle of his monstrous blade.

"Deidara. We meet again." Itachi stated, his deep melodious voice monotone.

"Why are you so focused on me, un!" Deidara yelled at them with a heated hateful glare, even in his half dressed and a certain part of his anatomy straining against fabric for attention.

"Like I said. We are interested in your unique talents for our organization, Deidara." Deidara bristled.

"Can't I at least get laid first, un?" He yelled, which sounded more like a grumpily whined demand. After an unknown amount of silence, Kisame spoke.

"Nope. Now let's go blonde. We need to get a move on. Or I could just disembowel your friend there." He pointed at Mi with his sword, who had been trying to secretly leave. Deidara sent an annoyed look at the pathetic man before looking at Itachi.

"I don't care about any of your stupid organizations, un! Just leave me alone and let me get laid, un!" The short tempered blonde yelled, frustrated in almost every way there was. Itachi stared at him for a few moments, before replying.

"How about we make a deal. We fight, just you and me. Should you win, we of Akatsuki will leave you be to do whatever you wish to do should it not directly interfere with our plans and such." Deidara nodded, seeing the reasoning and such in that.

"What if you win?" Deidara asked, cocky confident smirk back in place.

Nobody paid attention to Mi slipping away quietly out the front door until Kisame heard the door click shut. Then neither Itachi nor Deidara noticed the big blue man slip after him.

"Should I win, you must join Akatsuki and cannot leave the organization, to be used as a tool for Akatsuki. However our leader wishes." Deidara smile grew bigger and he nodded.

"Let me get my clothes on and you have a deal, un." He replied. "Though after I win, I have to go get my horses from in the middle of town. Hopefully the hay and trailer are still with them." He muttered under his breath. Itachi raised an eyebrow, thinking back and remembering where he had seen the described belongings. As soon as Deidara hand his shirt on and was ready, the fight began. Almost immediately after the fight began, it ended.

Itachi's Sharingan swirled in his eyes, catching Deidara in its unforgivable genjustu. Deidara passed out not even a second later. Itachi walked over and picked the blonde up, turning and jumping out through the window. He continued from the rooftops to the hay infested trailer and hooked the horses up. Kisame appeared soon after.

They managed to get the horses into the streets, almost running over some kids playing soccer. Not long after, they managed to get through the streets and out of the town, hurrying the horses towards the Akatsuki base. They went down many roads, the sun getting closer to the horizon as the day went by. Soon it was night and they pulled over, starting a fire and letting the horses rest. Kisame found a stream and washed up in it, enjoying the cold water. Itachi remained by the fire with Deidara, who was still passed out. Eventually Kisame came back and Itachi went off to take himself a wash.

Not long after, Deidara started to stir and managed to wake up.

"Holy shit what happened to me, un?" He asked quietly, head pounding ferociously. Kisame noted that he was wobbling back and forth, though he was sitting.

"Itachi beat you using his Sharingan. You alright kid?" Kisame asked, a note of concern when Deidara came a little to close to the fire.

"I don't think so, un." Then he turned and crawled near the woods, where he proceeded to retch up his stomach acids. Once he was finished, Kisame helped him up and took him to where Itachi currently was washing. Deidara blushed, seeing Itachi's hair wet and clinging to him, his pale form naked and water droplets making their way back towards the water. He mentally denied that this man in front of him could resemble a sex god in any way possible.

Kisame led him upstream of Itachi, before letting him fall to his knees and cup some water into his hands. He swished the water in his mouth and spit it out on the bank, before repeating two more times. Then he just dunked his head, ponytail and all, into the water and stayed under for a good minute. When he resurfaced, he stuck his left hand in, the dull ache from his broken tooth flaring up in pain, but he held his breath and kept it under until it numbed. He grimaced in pain and brought it back up, standing up and studiously ignoring the nude Uchiha not far away. Said Uchiha calmly watched them.

"Kisame. I shall locate something to eat." Itachi's voice washed over them. Kisame grinned.

"Alright." Deidara looked at Kisame, eyebrow quirked.

"How come he didn't get something to eat before he cleaned himself off?" Kisame shrugged.

"We ate not long before you woke up but since you're awake he decided to go hunt I guess. Sometimes some things just slip our minds, ya' know?" Deidara nodded before a questioning look crossed his face.

"What?"

"What did you guys eat?" Kisame turned a little violet.

"Pocky."

They calmly walked back to the camp. Once they reached there, Deidara walked over and pet the horses on their snouts, as they calmly neighed and bobbed their heads.

"Looks like you have a way with horses." Kisame's deep voice rumbled, amusement evident. Deidara smiled back but said nothing. He released the horses and lead them back to where a Itachi was currently getting out of the water. Kisame had followed him.

Itachi rose an eyebrow at them when they appeared again. Deidara's face lighted up in red and Kisame smirked at Deidara, laughing at the blondes reaction. Deidara looked away from the pale body and lead his horses to where he had previously been, watching as they started drinking. Itachi's lips quirked upwards, seen only by Kisame, who in turn grinned ferally back. When he looked back at Itachi, the man was already dressed and on his way to get some food. Deidara sat by the water and Kisame smirked at him, though he didn't see it since he was facing the water.

**A/n: **Who do you think our favorite uke blonde should be with first? **(Strictly SasoDei, maybe a different pairing later if I kill Sasori during the Gaara mission :P)**

_Itachi and so far one vote for him already from my beta XD_

_Kisame_

_Hidan_

_Sasori_

_Tobi_

_Pein_

_Naruto __**(**__hehehe stay tuned and find out. I may do a side story of this in Naruto's point of view__**)**_

_**Anyone else will probably not even be able to try. Right now, it's more likely going to be SasoDei. At this point, Deidara is hiding his harbored hateful feelings towards Itachi so as not to risk getting hurt. He knows they could do anything they want to him and he would be unable to save himself. So he is being a bit OOC.**_

Man boobs :)


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